I say that a lot. I’m okay, really. Though honestly, when you have to put the ‘really’ on it, people usually know you are lying through your teeth.
So lately I’ve been ‘going through some things’ like any normal person. And since I still live with my parents and all of my close friends live in different states… I’ve been… Lonely. And I hate to admit that I need other people because I am fiercely independent. But. I might need a hug.
Recently some people have noticed that I am not my ‘normal cheerful self’ (yeah right, like I’ve ever been normal) and have started to ask me if I’m okay. Let me just get this out there: IF YOU ARE NOT MY SISTER OF ONE OF ME 5 BEST FRIENDS – I am not going to tell you about my problems. So leave me alone. Stop asking. I’m fine. Now go away.
Lately it’s been coworkers, my mother’s friends, elderly people, people who are my friends but I don’t really share a lot with them, etc… And they keep asking me. Expecting me to open up all my ‘feels’ and emotinally vomit all over them. Not gonna happen. You see, I have chosen these 5 people. They are the trusted ones (I have trust issues… that it a story for another day, let me tell you, whoa!). And even within this 5 there are different levels of trust. I do have a bestest friend in the whole wide world. And then I have 3 best friends. And then a have my great friend. These are the 5. They know my secrets. They know I’ll kill them if they share them. So random coworker, when you ask if I’m okay. And I say yes. Don’t ask me again. Just take it at face value. You can’t solve my problems (there are a lot of them anyways).
So as I currently wallow in my self pity, know that it is okay that I do so. I promise. Because sooner or later I will stop internalizing all of my ‘feels’ and I’ll either explode or go into therapy. And yes, I know some random friend will come up to me after this post and ask if I’m okay. And yes, I’m going to say I’m okay. And yes, I will be lying. But know it’s not because I don’t care about you as a friend. It’s just that I don’t want to talk to you about it. At all. So just…