Finding Love In All The Wrong Places

I’ve had several boyfriends. And I’ll be honest, they’ve all been different shades of douche bags – but we won’t linger on that. I think my problem is that I look in all the wrong places. High school, tutoring, student work, work, online. Oh, yeah. I so did the online (but he wasn’t really my boyfriend, he just thought he was, he was wrong).

Not only did I do the “online dating” thing. But I did Christian Mingle.

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Yeah… I know. I’m disappointed in myself too. My mother suggested it. And some of my friends had accounts as well. And due to some of my moral beliefs, it seemed to make sense to find someone likeminded.

I am now convinced that there is no one likeminded for me. Or maybe they just aren’t on Christian Mingle. Christian Mingle guys are…. weird.

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Yeah, I know. It doesn’t make sense. But I got lonely and stupid.

First – you have to pay a ridiculous amount of money to even view emails that people send you! So if this is God’s plan for my life- why do I have to pay a monthly fee to communicate with people??????

Second – guys on Christian Mingle are 2 types of extreme. Either SUPER Conservative (to the point where you have to be a stay at home mom and you have to homeschool because clearly public school is of the devil) or they are SUPER not Conservative (like they say they love God more than anything and their profile pic is of them clubbing with a Bud in their hand, grinding on girls).

Third – not that either of these things matter… Because it seems like no one really wants to talk to me. And that’s fine. Because I would probably just make fun of them.

And as much as I would love to find that perfect guy, who my parents love and respect and he shares exactly the same belief system as me (accepting my religious and non-religious views on life ((mostly the ‘non’ if we are gonna get technical))) and be smart and funny and not a douche bag – I don’t think I’m gonna find him online.

I don’t think I’m gonna find him at all. Who knows if I’ll be willing to cut corners later in life?

Right now I’d just settle for someone who can look at me and listen without staring at my chest or his watch every 5 seconds.

Oh, crap… They noticed.

That awkward moment when you delete or unfollow someone… and they notice… and they call you out on it.

How do you even respond? Honestly, you usually lie.

  • “My phone/computer/internet has been acting so funny lately and messing stuff up!”
  • “It was so an accident! I meant to send you a message and then accidentally clicked it!”
  • “My sister/mother/boyfriend/roommate/kid was messing around on my account. I don’t even know what they did!”

When in reality the truth is: I hate you, you post dumb/annoying/ignorant/ridiculous things, and I wish you were no longer involved in my life at all.

Have I used those lies before? Yes, definitely, and very recently.

Have i used the truth? Yes, a few times, it did not end well (but they didn’t know where I lived so I was safe for the most part).

Also, as my final note… Who really goes and checks to see if someone has deleted or unfollowed them??? I have never done that. I don’t give a crap about how many friends or followers I have.

I don’t even know how many I have (I should have more though, I’m hilarious, adorable, and smart… come on people!).

For those of you who obsessively check: You make me very sad. Get a hobby… Like bird watching.

Passive Agressive Internet Madness

“Don’t you hate it when people…”

“I can’t believe that some people…”

“Maybe if some people…”

No. Stop it.

It is not some people.

You are being annoying.

You are talking about A SPECIFIC FREAKING PERSON. You are not generalizing, you are not grouping together, you are not making a mass statement. You are taking the coward’s way out and taking that one “awful” person in your life and writing a passive aggressive status update/tweet/comment/blog yada yada in hopes that you will get attention/shame that person/seem like not such a terrible human being.

Sheesh. 2 days ago I wrote an FB status update and a tweet that stated: “Don’t you just hate passive aggressive, attention seeking, tantrum tweets/status updates? Yeah that’s right, I’m talking about you. You big jerkface.” Within minutes I had several people respond to it to see who it was, or if it was them, or why was I personally attacking the way they express themselves on the internet. (side note – while jerkface is not a real word, it is a great made up one)

I sincerely apologize to all of you ridiculous people, because it was a JOKE. I did it for the sole purpose of putting it in this blog as an example of how our little “internets” world works now. Back in the day when normal people were upset with each other they either spoke to them about it or ignored them. Both of these ways are still fully functional ways of being a decent human today. But in this lovely online world we love shaming someone. Even if you do a general statement… most of your friends know who you are talking about anyway! Might as well tag them.

So I can promise you, whoever you are, that when you piss me off (when, not if, someone will piss me off soon probably) if we can’t work our differences out face to face, I personally will tag you in whatever offensive update I post on the internet. Just so we all can be clear that I’m mad at you, only you, always you.

Rant done.