Do you ever wonder if you’re a bad person? (I’m assuming that you are all just lovely people and I’m the only demon spawn over here…)
But seriously. Am I a rotten human being?
I know that I can be mean, and sarcastic, and vindictive, and that I lie (sometimes), I swear (only when I’m mad… or upset… or sad… don’t tell my mom), I’m unhappy a lot, I get jealous, I make fun of people, I can hold a grudge like it’s my profession, I laugh when people get hurt…. Can I justify being any of those things? I don’t feel like I’m those things all the time. But sometimes the worst can come out more the the best. Perhaps I’m surrounded by people who only bring out the worst in me. Or am I all parts equal to the worst parts of me and the good parts don’t even matter. What am I even saying?????
Now I could get into a really big moral debate here about sin and God loving everyone, but I’m not going to. I’m going to talk about the basic instinct that everyone has. Self preservation. And I personally think that within that self preservation instinct is another instinct of self preservation – protecting your pride.
We are all prideful. And if you are sitting there reading this and thinking ‘Well I’m not prideful at all’ shut up. Yes you are. That was pride right there. You jerkface.
Let’s be honest. We all want to protect our pride/self esteem/soul/being/attitude/thoughts whatever it may be. And some of us can do that without hurting other people. But most of us can’t. To protect yourself from being hurt, and protecting the image you have of yourself, other people tend to get hurt. If we all have this type of self preservation in us, does that make us bad people? If most of the world acts this way, does that mean we are all wrong? Do we all need to change?
Some of us recognize this part in ourselves. I do every year around New Years. I make the same 3 resolutions every year: #1 BE NICER TO PEOPLE #2 BE POSITIVE #3 Lose weight. I’m really good about #3 for about a week. #1 and #2 I usually give up on before January 1st is over with.
Maybe I’m acting out? A lot of people do that. You’re going through a rough patch and the only way you know how to get through your pain is inflicting pain and annoyance on others.
Although, if this is true. I’ve been “going through something” for the last 14 years or so… Maybe I should see a therapist.
I don’t feel like a bad person though… But I was recently told that I was a “terrible person” and that it was “no wonder why no one really cared about me” – ouch. And all I could think was “Am I really that bad of a person?” and “Wow, I want to punch that person in the face” and “douchebag” !!!
So am I bad person?